Friday, August 24, 2012

Well, this has been interesting.

It's been a crazy few days; there's the new job, which still largely sucks but is at least a job. Just exhausting me. Plus I was having a really hard time because there's a guy in my class who reminded me of the boy just enough to make me sad. And he kept talking to me, too,

And then my dad got put in the hospital again. First they thought he had c-diff after his time in the burn unit. Then it was friggen' e. coli. Then he wasn't responding to the meds like he should have, so they did a colonoscopy. Considering my grandmother's colon cancer I was terrified. Found out today he does not have cancer! He's got ulcerative colitis. Sucks, but much better than it could have been.

And then ... the boy is back. I don't know in what ... capacity, I guess the word would be. He had a fairly good excuse for part of the time I didn't hear from him. He literally wasn't able to answer. But he also knew it was going to happen and didn't warn me. And he left me hanging for weeks after that was over. So I'm not very happy about that. Of course, I wasn't his girlfriend at the time, so I suppose he didn't owe me any explanations. Other than he knows from experience that it fucks me up when someone vanishes and ignores me. So I'm still a little hurt, and I still don't really trust him. I'm sure he'll be around for a while and then flake the fuck out on me again. But I love him and couldn't refuse to talk to him or see him. Well, obviously I could have, but I didn't want to. I fully realize the idiocy of this, but right now I feel like it's worth it because after spending one night with him I feel better than I have in months.

Anyway, a side effect of all the changes/emotional ups-and-downs this week is that I had another burrito freak-out on ... Tuesday? I forget. Anyway. I've had one meal a day that was waaaaay too high in carbs, every day. Except yesterday, because yesterday I hardly ate because I was too upset/confused/excited/nervous.

Some of the issue was lack of planning, too. If I don't pack my lunch the night before, I'm going to end up buying junk because if I come home I'll have a hard time going back to work plus I just get distracted and don't eat anyway and then I'm so hungry later I eat things I know damn good and well I shouldn't.

I have the weekend off, so hopefully that'll help me get back on track by being at home and eating what I have here.

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