I don't feel hungry at all today. It's to do with my period, but I know that if I don't eat something, and something with protein, then later on my stupid body is going to start screeching for food and I'll be more likely to make idiotic choices. I also don't feel thirsty, and in fact feel bloated and gross and like every sip I take just sloshes around in my stomach when I move, but I'm making myself slowly steadily hydrate.
Really all I want to do is go back to sleep, because the a/c makes it nice and chilly in here, my cousin is just studying anyway, and I'm bored and sad and always tired anyway. So cuddling into some blankets and drifting off sounds just about the right speed. Of course, I'd just end up thinking about things I shouldn't and getting upset and never actually falling asleep. It's been weeks and weeks since I've been able to just crawl in to bed and sleep. The only way I can fall asleep is if I'm absolutely exhausted, to the point that my eyes are burning, and I either watch tv or read until my brain just shuts off. Otherwise, no matter how tired I am, I start thinking, and moping, and crying. It's ridiculous and it's pissing me off. But my brain saying "this is stupid, why are you upset about someone who doesn't care about you" doesn't seem to have any effect on my stupid emotions. If anything this crap seems to be getting worse instead of better. Time is supposed to make the pain less, dammit, not make me more lovesick and stupid! Grrr. I suppose it's because he didn't actually tell me it was over ... he just stopped answering me. That's just an extra mindfuck right there.
I got Blue Diamond Almond NutThins today, ranch and pepperjack flavors. I figured having something crunchy to munch on would be helpful with the pretzels and chips taunting me. So I'll slice up some cheese and have cheese and crackers, and it shall be loverly. I also got some more strawberries, some lunch meat, and some straws. My water intake has been lower than usual the last couple of days because I don't like drinking without a straw. I don't really know why. It doesn't hurt my teeth or anything. Maybe it's just because I like to chew on my straws all the time. They're always all mangled. Everybody at the restaurant always knew which drink was mine!
I don't physically feel like eating, but I keep finding myself wandering in to the kitchen for something to munch on. It's stupid. I wonder if it's because I didn't have much protein, or much to eat at all, yesterday, or if it's just boredom.
I was writing a couple of days ago about my aunt and cousins' eating habits, and my aunt's fondness for diet trends. Well, my cousin, who is 17, informed me that she's trying not to eat gluten because every time she eats wheat she feels ill. Which is something she's never mentioned before. And I've noticed a lot of things labeled "gluten free!" in their house, from bread to cereal. Now, I don't think that wheat is necessarily a good thing for humans to be eating. But I do find the timing of this suspicious ... considering my aunt's stack of books by her bed is something called "Gutbusters," some diet recipe book, and a book called "Wheat Belly." I suspect she's on a quest to lose weight again, and has been blathering to her daughter about the evils of wheat. She does that sort of thing a lot.
"Wheat Belly" is only a couple of hundred pages once you take out the recipes and sample meal plans, so I figured I'd give it a read tonight. The author seems to contradict himself a lot. At one point he says excess weight causes diabetes. A few pages later, he instead says high carb intake/chronically high insulin levels are to blame. He says animals products are very acidic and can lead to bone loss, but then of course recommends them because of cutting out wheat.
He makes some valid points about how what we call wheat today is genetically different from the first grains cultivated. He says that it was around the 1950s that the dwarf strain of wheat we consume now was created and became widespread, and says that's when the problems he associates with wheat began, and really took off in the eighties when the government started in on the "low fat, high complex carb" crap. But that theory assumes that the change in wheat was the only change to the food supply, whereas the introduction of high fructose corn syrup, highly processed foods, and a lot of other things have come about in the last 60 years too. There's a lot of information about celiac disease and its correlation with other conditions, which was interesting.
Overall, though, it seems like in terms of health benefits the author was really saying "carbohydrates are bad. Wheat is just extra bad!" because he talks a lot about insulin and its effects on the body. But it was an interesting enough read.
Now it's the wee hours of the morning, and as usual I'm tired and seriously doubt I'll be able to sleep even though I'm tired. I fell asleep for a few minutes while I was reading earlier, but was in a weird position on the couch so didn't stay that way unfortunately. I might at least crawl in to bed with my Nook and see if I can read myself to sleep.
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