Sugarfest.

The last two days, I've been acting like a petulant child who doesn't want to eat her vegetables. Instead I've been eating sugar. Not even because I was craving it -- just because every time I looked at a chunk of meat it seemed so deeply unappetizing. I should have just forced it down!

Bored, bored, bored.

I really don't know how people maintain diets for really long stretches of time. I'm so tired of meat, and cheese, and nuts, and produce. I'm tired of reminding myself all the time that I shouldn't have the stuff I want to eat, and choking down things that don't sound good because all I want is a bowl of noodles. I did it again today, but I feel completely unsatisfied.

Yes, I know I'm whining. I'm just feeling grumpy right now!

Somehow I made it!

After an extremely hectic day yesterday I worked a double shift today, and I managed abstain from the junk food. I nearly caved mid-afternoon, but at the last second I cancelled the fried cheese order (damn breading) and ordered turkey and cheese, plain. Not the most exciting meal, but within limits!

Couple of off days.

I was staying at somebody else's house the last couple of days, so I didn't try to stick to my plan. Yes, I absolutely could have made my own separate meals and stayed on track, but I opted to just go with the flow. The flow included waffles one night, which I almost never eat (diet or no diet), so that was a nice treat!

Not perfect, but still on track.

I snacked on a few chips today, and had three boneless wings as my carbs for the day. I shouldn't have, I was mindlessly eating, but I kept myself in check for my meals so I think it balances out.

Forgot my vitamins again though!

A third good day.

I wanted to eat junk all night. It was slow at work, and I was bored, and tired, and cranky. And I started thinking about the maple butter blondie, and the crunchy walnuts and super sugary sauce. I thought about how delicious it smells, and how warm and bubbly the sauce gets, and what a gooey and delicious mess it makes when it mixes with melty ice cream. And I thought that one more day might not hurt, and if I maintained while eating poorly for a whole month what was the difference?

And then I quite responsibly ordered a bunless bacon cheeseburger (and a side of vegetables that I never received for some reason). And I still freaking wanted the dessert. But instead, I had this:

And later, when a coworker told me she'd never had the blondie and said we should get one to share, I said no. And when she asked again, I said no again. Let's hear it for self-restraint.

Another good day.

I once again didn't eat anything I shouldn't have today. I'm especially proud of that because my ulcer was bothering me, and eating large quantities of starchy food makes the pain go away (not sure why other than maybe it sucks up the excess stomach acid?). But I kept slowly sipping milk and waited it out. If it had been much worse I don't know if I'd've been able to; but today the side symptoms (nausea, hot flashes and cold chills, a trembly sort of exhaustion) were worse than the pain, and I could deal with it.

I even took my vitamins today!

I also realized that I may have lost a little weight last month after all; when I weighed myself the number was the same, but my period started later that day. That water retention, added to bloating from eating too much sugar, was probably a few pounds. But it'll just go toward my next weigh-in total.

Almost a perfect day.

I ate 100% good healthy stuff today. Cheesecake Pusher had even brought in a new dessert, and I had none. I didn't convince myself it was okay to have a couple of boneless wings, or get a Reese's peanut butter cup egg at the store, or even just have a little too much milk. The only thing I didn't do right was take my vitamins with dinner!

No progress.

But I didn't really expect any with my utter lack of effort this month. At least I held steady!

I suck at this.

Cheesecake Pusher brought in another dessert, and I didn't even try to resist. Fail.

Bad me, no cupcake.

I hate it when the managers get cupcakes and birthday cakes for people, especially on busy nights when I know I'm not going to be able to properly eat until quite late. I had a horrendous night (why do people go to restaurants and act like dickheads?), I was feeling sorry for myself, and I had a chocolate cupcake. Bad, bad, bad. Whenever I'm restricting my eating, for whatever reason, my emotional eating problems seem to flare up again. I know the cupcake didn't put any more money in my pocket or make people any less rude. I knew it before I stuck it in my mouth. Eating it was a stupid decision.

My friend on the HCG diet gave up after about three days. Color me not surprised.

Blah blah blah.

I opened this post last night, but had nothing to say. I still don't, really; nothing worth mentioning has happened on the diet/food front in the last couple of days. The most exciting thing was getting strawberries for 2 for $4!