I still haven't gone near the scale, but after discovering that my work shirt can go over my head, I pulled out another shirt of mine. It's a lovely lavender button-up, which is a great color for me; it has quite flattering seaming. The last time I tried to wear it, my stomach pushed at the buttons, the shoulders were uncomfortably tight, and the arms were torturous. Tonight, even though I shouldn't have tried it because I haven't been at this long, I pulled it out. It's not entirely comfortable; still a little tight across the tummy. The shoulders fit again; the arms fit, although barely.
In this case, it didn't do any harm to try on an old piece of clothing. It was encouraging. But I remember other times, in the past, when I would pull out an old shirt or something and feel totally despondent because it didn't fit. I'm hoping to be able to avoid that this time; after several years of working on my mental and emotional responses to clothing and fat, I think I'll be able to. Now if something doesn't fit, I'm able to say the clothing is the wrong size for me, rather than I'm the wrong size for the clothing. So hopefully if I get this urge to pull out some item later on and it's still uncomfortable, I won't throw end up on that emotional downslide that was so familiar in years past.
I've just ordered some Coromega; I know that omega-3 fats as very important, but I honestly cannot stand fish. I eat salmon maybe twice a year, and shrimp once. I keep trying to like the nasty stuff, and it just doesn't work for me. So, I'll pay $25 for a three month supply of orange pudding-y omega-3 supplement. It's supposed to help with insulin sensitivity among other things. I also ordered a bottle of potassium, as moisture got in mine and ruined it. And, after reading that magnesium oxide isn't a very absorptive chelate form, I ordered a new bottle with a better form.
I've re-read my "diet bible", so to speak, and there's an entire chapter in these on magnesium. I know if I forget to take my extra Mg for too long, I start getting migraines again. I also know it has a lot of uses in the body, including nerve transmission. What I had forgotten, or never noticed on previous reads, was that magnesium may help with chronic fatigue syndrome (that's an older study, just an example). I don't know that I have chronic fatigue; I've never been diagnosed with it. The times I've brought it up with a doctor, I've been told to lose weight. And I can practically hear people all across the world agreeing with that.
The thing is, my lack of energy started at a very particular point in time. I contracted mono in late 2000, and since then I have functioned in a state of constant tiredness. I was fat long before that; when I lost a significant amount of weight after that, it didn't help. I'm sure losing weight wouldn't hurt, but I really believe that something was damaged by that damned virus. But try getting a doctor to see past your weight! The first one I mentioned it to told me I must be diabetic; nope. Then it must be my thyroid; nope. Then I must have sleep apnea! Oh wait, except I don't! Anemia? Nope. And no, none of those are self-dismissed conditions, I had the medical tests.
(I had a doctor tell me once that the reason I couldn't breathe through my nose was because of my weight. If I thought he would remember me, I would take my CT scan and allergy test results and shake them in his stupid face -- turns out I'm allergic to 70/72 allergens I was tested for, and I had a deviated septum, a narrowed nasal passage [leading to my nostrils collapsing and blocking airflow], grossly enlarged turbinate bones, and a formation called a concha bullosa in the right side of my sinus. That surgery was the best thing I ever did for myself!)
Anyway. I'm going to try the magnesium and see if it helps. I no longer have insurance so I can't get an intracellular magnesium concentration test to confirm, so we'll just have to see how it goes. It would be really nice to feel like sleeping actually did anything for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment