Can't sleep, and discouraging thoughts.

After an hour and a half, I gave up on getting any sleep at all tonight before my rodeo hell tomorrow. Or in four hours, more like.

It wasn't what was keeping me up, but I did have a very discouraging thought earlier. I won't think I'm not-fat unless I don't have a hanging stomach anymore. Well, the least I've weighed in my adult life is 186. And guess what? Still had a flabby hanging stomach. That means even if I lose a hundred pounds, a lot of things will still be inconvenient. My stomach will still lay on the bed next to me when I'm on my side. I'll still not be able to see to shave ... areas. It'll still be uncomfortable to bend over. I'll still be very big on the bottom and not so much on top. Etc. etc. It's a pretty depressing thing to think that I could put that much time and effort in to something and still not have resolved so many things.

Of course, all those things will definitely still be true if I do nothing.