Dammit.

I already blew through all my carbs again, and I've only had .. well, my first meal of the day, so breakfast I guess. In fact I probably had about twenty grams more than I should have (and I feel like I have a rock in my belly). I really need to stop doing that. I know that, regarding my insulin levels which is what LC is all about, it's much more effective to spread them out throughout the day, plus it allows more flexibility in the rest of my meals. Not to mention, it's very easy to end up having all my carbs at one meal ... and then have them again at the next. And that would obviously just undo the progress I've made. I've been down that road many times in the past. I need this time to be different. To achieve that, I need to not put myself in to situations where somebody else is providing the food or where I feel like they're going to comment on what I eat. That's been a lot of the problem this last week, because I've been around family so much, at the hospital, etc. Luckily this week is looking better in terms of that.

Have to admit I am feeling a little hopeless overall though. I'm still feeling deeply sad. Honestly I'm impressed I've had as few problems with my eating as I have, the last couple of weeks. Maybe I'm finally maturing or something. Or maybe I'll end up flaming out horribly like I have before, haha. The fact that I'm wickedly craving McDonald's french fries is not encouraging. There were many nights before when that urge would hit me and I'd just zip up the street for some. It's unfortunately a very short trip for me. Way too convenient. But I made myself a little pizza on my last low-carb tortilla, so I'm not hungry anymore, so there's no reason to eat anything else.

I haven't worked on my story in more than a week. I opened my laptop to do so the other night, and then decided my time would be better spent applying for more jobs. I have the shitty job in the hopper, I have a possible return to my restaurant job pending, and I have an interview for an awesome job Friday. But I don't want to end up with just the shitty job, so in case I can't go back to the restaurant, or in the likely event I don't get the awesome job, I want to have other irons at least near the fire.

Forgot to post this last night!